bikram yoga, classes 9 & 10 -- when will it get easier?

when will it get easier? this is the question i keep asking myself. i've now done 10 classes in 12 days and i still have to sit down multiple times in class. i keep thinking i should be further. i should be able to do more.

the truth is that i am doing more. i am finally starting to feel the edges of the full expressions of some of the postures in class -- standing bow pulling pose and rabbit pose and even triangle pose when i can actually get through this posture without having to sit down. maybe it's because i'm going deeper into the postures and going practically every day that i am still struggling to stay standing or engaged through the whole class.

i ate pesto 3 hours before class today and that was a bad idea. raw garlic can be added to the list of foods not to eat before bikram yoga -- this list is currently peanut butter and raw garlic.

i'm also stronger during the breathing exercises. i've also figured out how to touch my hand, my knee and my opposite foot all together while twisting my upper body around in the very last posture of the class. i've also worked most of the residual swelling out of my wrists and forearms seemingly for good. i've also been able to straighten my legs almost completely (for the first time today) in the 2nd to last pose of class.

my whole body is tightening up too; stomach, thighs, arms -- the skin is smooth and the muscles feel strong. my skin in general looks great -- my excema has cleared up, my skin is hydrated and clear. my mind is clear. i am focused. feel really able to deal with stress. i'm calm and collected. even in the midst of my friend's car accident, the very clear message that i need to go back to school, the idea of moving (again), quitting my previous job, even with all that and probably more i'm forgetting, i feel calm and focused.

there are still postures that are very difficult for me -- standing leg head to knee posture, eagle pose, full locust, cobra, but there are more that are just getting easier -- locust, standing bow pulling, standing stick, triangle.

i'm still having trouble remembering to breathe while in posture. and still also having a little trouble adjusting to the actual heat of a 105* room. but all in all i think i'm doing pretty good. and feeling even better.