A Neverending Moment of Grief (a poem)

my jaw stiff and swollen
healer cups my face
"imagine yourself screaming"
i go deep into head space
screaming, screaming, screaming
mouth opens wide, breath goes ragged

then i am back
silent
"what were you screaming at?"
she asks.

hands move away from my face
"the whole world
the whole fucking world
everything"
i can't pinpoint one crisis
or distinguish between
multiple unending
tragedies

it is only this
a neverending moment of grief
the scream lodged in the
bones of my jaw
the feeling of floating
of all sound sucked
into white noise
of mental pollution
the feeling of hitting a brick wall

diamonds covered in blood
oil is blood
children seeking refuge
in snorts of cocaine,
needles
anything but the world we're leaving them
child killing machines
politicians knowing nothing
but dollar signs and fear
an infinitely connected world
that is still disconnected
the agony of voting
the man who can say
"i don't see the spotted owl's name
on the deed
and until i do, property owner takes precedence over"
life of a river
fragile desert ecosystem
everything but the deed
the paper, the idea
the only real products of
sucking draining city scape
sucking draining city men

the scream breaks
a bubble of self reverie
and i am once again inhabiting
suicidal world
industrial pollution overdose
razorblades drawn across wrists in the mountains of west virginia
a shotgun blow to the face in the middle east

this is not a feel good poem
remember:
this is a neverending moment of grief
an open wound
a psyche in shock
a territory of disbelief
this is a body
drowning in sorrow
a heart ruptured in anger

then again
it is only a silent scream
a whisp of air
caught behind teeth
manifested in
physical pain
and anger buried
deep in the muscle of my heart
the bones of my jaw